Guides
Writing on distance, guilt, and staying close to the people who raised you. No advice about ringing more often — we think that is the wrong instruction.
All guides
On guilt
Should you feel guilty for moving away from your family?
The guilt isn't a verdict on you. It's pointing at something specific you lost when you moved — and it isn't the visits.
On conversation
When you have nothing to talk about with your parents
You haven't run out of love. You've run out of shared information — and a phone call is the worst possible tool for manufacturing it.
On who calls
My parents never call me — but they expect me to call them
It usually isn't indifference. Somewhere along the way your parent decided that wanting you was a demand, and quietly started rationing themselves.
On leaving
Immigrant guilt: the particular weight of being the one who left
Almost everything written about immigrant guilt is about sacrifice. Nothing is written about distance — the airfare, the festival worked through, the mother who has never seen your kitchen.
On the one who carries it
Eldest daughter guilt, and the family where one person does all the calling
In most families one person carries all the contact, and it's usually a daughter. The load is real — but the story you're telling yourself about your siblings is probably wrong.
On homesickness
Missing your family back home doesn't stop at twenty-five
Almost everything written about homesickness is written for children. This is the adult version: a job you like, a mortgage, and a Tuesday that takes you apart.
On language
When your parents and your children don't share a language
You are the permanent interpreter, and the relationship stops the moment you leave the room. There is a way for them to talk to each other directly.
On choosing
Apps for grandparents who aren't tech-savvy
Most apps built for grandparents are designed for the family to reach in. The question that actually predicts whether one survives a month is whether your parent can give something with it.